“Recently, I've been keeping a whitemaninmypocket. It's for protection of course, a charm for the rapidly gentrified, since there's no stopping whitefolks and their artisanal tastes, designer strollers or cultural appropriation. I rub it to secure my bearings in Brooklyn neighborhoods like Bed-Stuy and Flatbush and Crown Heights -- a compass among fusion eateries and wine shoppes. It's also a talisman against the general out-of-pocketness of white people since the election of President Barack Obama.”